Deleterious, Heartbreaking, But Oh So Addictive

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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "loving_hate64" journal:

April 30th, 2008
10:53 pm [Link]	jjh (Leave a comment)
April 23rd, 2006
02:15 am [Link]	Texy Wexy Okay, so i talked to Mr W today and told him where I wanted to stay, and asked about the pay, and school and everything. And, he said they'd have my apartment ready by the time I need to go up there, I just need to buy furniture for it. He said they'd have a tutor come over, and I can have people live with me. I have to stay for at least a year, but I think I want to stay longer. Ethan will be staying with me, i think. And I know Tex will be. Having two hot guys in an apartment with me sounds like fun...So anwyay, that's what's been going on. So, Tex, of course you can stay with me! Ethan won't care, and if he does he can get over it, it's not like he never talks to girls (ha, i think Kaci proved that ) So i can hang out with you whenever I want and it still wouldn't make up for it. I love him, but he needs to learn to stop flirting. You're hot, hell half the guys I hang around are but I dont tell them every time. tex, you know you're hot, and have a great body so having you and Ethan around in the hot tub will be so awesome for me. But, you're just to look at and talk to, whle he just needs to listen, then chnage the subject to something sexual and shit like that. It'll be fun, and I can guarantee he won't try to beat you up. And, yeah, Alex will be there so ya'll can still hang out. Well, you just called me, so I'm getting offline now. seeya... Current Mood: bouncy (Leave a comment)
April 17th, 2006
07:39 pm [Link]	------------ My life just got a million times worse thanks to my stubborness once again. Now i see what's wrong with me. Current Mood: cold (Leave a comment)
April 16th, 2006
03:06 am [Link]	God Hates Me I have officially decided that I am unloveable. Not to be a whiney bitch about it, but it's true. Every person who has ever likes me (boyfriend type of liking) has always not wanted to be with me. They go on telling me I'm perfect and then break up with me. How do they do it? Tell me, I'm perfct and they dont deserve me, or by saying it's just not the right time, but i'm a 'great girl' or by simply ignoring me. I'm not sure what's wrong with me except that I'm too vulnerable. I believe guys when they tell me they love me and want to be with me and I get hurt. I dont know what I'm supposed to do. Do I give up like I want to? It'd make my life better by not letting me get hurt. or do I try, and keep on trying in hope to find a guy who won't lie to me. I dont know. But I do know that I'm still really hurt,and I will be for a long time. I just wish I knew why I'm some sort of toy guys just use for a while when they're bored. Maybe I don't need anyone. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. Current Mood: depressed (Leave a comment)
April 7th, 2006
02:02 pm [Link]	Amazing It is an awful thing that He will never get to embrace the lovelyness of love. I feel like I will. Someday soon. Someday beautiful. Love is deleterious, heartbreaking, and addictive. How amazing. How beautiful. Current Mood: calm (Leave a comment)
March 24th, 2006
04:11 am [Link]	Ethan Rocks....and he knows it. I've been meaning to write in here for a long time but I haven't ever had anything to say. It's not that I haven't had the time...I have a few times but from the lack of words in my head I decided not to up until now. I still don't know what I'm supposed to say. Nice things? Well, I always do..maybe not on here but I always tell you. You already know how highly I think of you, you already know that I love you more than my heart can handle, and you always know how I feel about things. People aren't supposed to know that about someone else. It makes the other person feel vulnerable. I do, i always do and it's not necessarily a bad thing...I know that, but I also know that I want to know how you feel. I wantto know what you think of me, everything, not just the normal things. The way you want to know what I'm thinking is the way I want to know how you're feeling. That's one good thing about you; you're good at making me feel vulnerable, which is so much better for you than I. My vulnerability makes me feel like you'll take care of me (you will right?) and that you won't let anyone hurt me and you won't hurt me yourself.It forces me to trust you way more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life. I want you to trust me like I trust you. I want you to depend on me for some things like I do you. I want you to tell me how you feel regardless of whether or not you feel comfortable with it, because I do that. I do it because I know you enjoy reading it. I'll enjoy hearing it. I just want to know more so I'll feel better. I promised you long ago that I wouldn't ever hurt you, and that I'd always take care of your heart, and always love you more than anything. I don't know if it means much to you now, but hopefully, someday it will. Current Mood: cold (Leave a comment)
March 8th, 2006
07:28 pm [Link]	Never good Enough.... So anyway, Tex,back to what I was talking to you about earlier today at school. I'm happy you think I'm perfect, but we aren't talking about me, we're talking about my body. Now i know you aren't a perv, and I know looks don't mean shit to you...but apparently they're everything to someone else. I'm supposedly 'beautiful' and 'gorgeous' but it's hard to feel that way with him when he continuously tells me about past girls (if you can even call them that..) he's slept with, and how that was awesome, and as if that weren't enough to make my confidence level go from 10 to -25, he tells me my boobs are small. Now, about the cough whores cough girls well, I don't really like the fact he's still into the fact of sleeping around with people. I mean, I don't mind him wanting to with me, but talking about girls in general makes me feel insignificant. I hate the fact that I lack the one thing that attracts girls to him in the first place. I have everything else except that and for him to ask why I don't want implants is really insulting. He must really not know me very well yet, if he thinks I would do that. like I told him, I'm not a whore. 'that doesnt make you a whore' Well, what is it saying? Girls get that to make themselves look better.Why? For guys. They get fake boobs to look better for guys. I already have that. I get guys' attention already. i love my body,a nd that goes against everything I'm about. I think people who like others based on looks are shallow morons who dont deserve anyone. I think that's why there are so many divorced people. If you had a strong friendship, or even a relation based on how you are as a person, you'd be together always. I'm already not taken seriously by people because I'm pretty, with ugly hard fake boobs that could kill me, be uneven or feel wrong, no one would take me seriously. No one would hire me. Models can't have fake boobs...wait, let me rephrase that. Supermodels cannot have fake ones. Trashy catalog models can. But I can assure you, I won't ever get, or eevn consider thinking about getting them. Current Mood: curious (Leave a comment)
07:22 pm [Link]	Idiots are even more Idiotic when they're drunk. That speaks for itself. No Tex, I'm not refering to you. You either Kaci, Dani, or David. Yep, you've got it smart one. People who drink and drunk dial people.... wake them up..... then hang up on them... are imcompetant fools.... But I love one anyway <3 Current Mood: annoyed (Leave a comment)
06:09 pm [Link]	So Much Vulgarity...I love it So Kaci and I kicked ass today. Well, as everyone knows, tex and his whore are broken up and she has been even bitchier than ever. In the little girls' room today at school Kaci and I were beautifying ourselves before first period (as usual) when Sam walked in and said something horrible about our beloved Tex. Now, I stayed calm at first, and ignored her, but Kaci, sweet, innocent Kaci slapped her and showed her who's boss. They started going at it and before you know it, it turned into a brawl. I broke it up, like I always do and everything seemed just peachy. Haha...yeah right. That bitch came up to me and pulled my hair. Uh-oh. Stupid bitch should've known not to fuck with me, or my hair. I punched her, she bled. She tried it again, how cute. her friends her it and sooner or later everyone... even guys were crowded in the bathroom watching Sam and I fight. I was in a cute outfit (my hot pink barbie type outfit wince I had a presentation today..so hot) and everyone said it was the hottest thing ever. Hot? No, it was required. No one fucks with my friends or my hair. To sum it up, punches were thrown, hair was ripped, blood bled, nails scratched, the bitch cried. I was victorious. I avenged sweet Tex, and everytihng was perfect. Kaci and I continued to fix our hair and everyone stared at us. We left like it was nothing, Sam told on us, but with my very respectful arguing techniques.. she got suspended while Kaci and I didn't get punsihed. Life is great....well, it's getting there.... Current Mood: satisfied (Leave a comment)
March 4th, 2006
05:00 pm [Link]	I came accross this and Kaci thought it was so awesome she wanted me to post it here. She's such a blonde. :P This is mine, so of course it's sexy. Scorpio women: Inquisitive, searching, and experimental. Knows that eroticism consists of more than the physical act of lovemaking. While looking like a perfect lady in public, you dress and behave like a whore in the bedroom. Control of the orgasm is very important and will try anything to help your man maintain his potency. You never take no for an answer and when interested in someone, you will pursue him with determination and guile.Also a biter, scratcher and screamer. Best sex mates: Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces. Props you love: scented body oils, flavored lubricating gels, and vibrators. David and Tex's... I think they should try it..together. Libra men: Looks for the whole experience, not just a tumble between the sheets. Has a definite kinky side, a voyeur and fond of the menage a trois. He has the patience needed to satisfy. He likes women who dress well and have long hair. If a woman's clothes look as though they are easily removed, he finds her hard to ignore. Erogenous zone: back and butt, especially the feel of erect nipples against either of them! Kaci's..hmm I wonder if it's correct.(someday i'll know...) Capricorn women: Don't need much foreplay - you go from zero to WOW in nothing flat! Not interested in exotic variation; only staying in power. Since you like to dominate, you like to be astride your man, set a rhythm, and please yourself. Once into the rhythm, lovemaking becomes a wild contest with orgasm as the prize and you can depend on getting there more than once. Also a scratcher and a screamer. Best sex mates: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio and Pisces. And last, but not least. My horny, horny horny Ethan's.No wonder he's fucked so much people. Pisces men: Takes the lead in lovemaking and impatient if he doesn't get a swift response. Indifferent to sexual restrictions, both moral and legal; prefers a partner with a tremendous sexual craving. Likes sex in a chair. He likes to be submissive. Becomes an addict to anything that will give pleasure and release. Erogenous zone: massaging and caressing his feet .Best sex partners:Scorpio, Pisces Current Mood: horny (Leave a comment)

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